C G C I steer a steel boat on the system F C G Above water things look rather fine C G C But I know that beneath tranquil water F G C My boat is being ravaged by time The hull it is slowly corroding It’s thinner than this time last year The anodes they look rather feeble It’s time for more blacking I fear Chorus : But bottom blacking is boring From the stem to the stern and then back I lose count of the coats that I’ve put on It’s black upon black upon black I awake to the sound of the mallards Picking algae from where it has grown On the hull just below muddy water Where the bitumen paint has long gone They delight in a snack nice and tasty But their morning alarm annoys me That weed is due for removal Bottom blacking it just has to be I’ve just passed a boat partly sunken I deduce it has water inside And I wonder just how it has got there Was it rainfall or slow rising tide Was its bottom frequently blackened Was the progress of rust held at bay Or did water and oxygen conquer The steelwork which stood in their way Hull thickness was tested just last Monday The surveyor he charged me a bomb He scraped off some paint for inspection Then removed all my cash with aplomb The charts of numerical thickness Arrived in the post yesterday They paint a depressing picture Of a hull with ‘significant’ decay I must get out the paint brush and rollers Spray away mud, rust, algae and slime Then apply several coats of Comastic* And just pray that I’ve done it in time © I H Bruce 2008 Many of the songs in this collection emerged from dormant brain cells during a canal related mind-numbing activity such as steering the boat. The inspiration for this song is therefore self- evident. * Comastic is a brand of blacking paint no longer available for Heath and Safety reasons.